A Glimpse Into The Third World

I live in the Philippines. In my country, our politicians make sure that the starving masses do not have to deal with the disturbing images from Lady Gaga and Diablo 3 to distract them from creating too many children. After all, we are proud to be a democracy! The more voters, the better. The Reproductive Health Bill not only give women a choice on their own bodies, it will make them want to fight for equal rights in the home and in the work force. Imagine the chaos that would follow if THAT happened!

Besides, we have to preserve the sanctity of marriage. In our proudly Catholic nation, a good marriage is composed of children, a loving wife and a husband who will provide for their needs as well as that of the underage prostitutes that entertain him. Who would want to ruin that? Oh yeah, those homosexuals who do nothing but express who they truly are. That’s blasphemy! How dare they be true to themselves and show the world that our perfect educational and moral system is flawed?

Seriously, it really is more fun in the Philippines. You will never get bored with the roads because our government spends billions building, deconstructing and rebuilding the streets. It is never the same year after year. Oh, and our natural resources are the same way. You have to hurry from one place to the other to see the wondrous sites or else a mall/fastfood joint will rise or some foreing investor has already bought the place.

Upon arrival in our international airport, you will be welcomed by our talented artists showing renditions of Manny Pacquiao’s early childhood. You will also get a glimpse of the priorities of our nation. Part of the biggest camps of the armed forces has been sold to casinos and a hotel. This is to fund the luxurious lifestyles of our generals and their families, besides, the money that they receive goes back into the casino or into the airport whenever they get bored of the third world.

In this wonderful land, you can buy absolutely anything! Freedom, if you are a criminal. Children, if you are a pedophile. Votes, if you are a politician. And of course, the entire country, if you have enough cash. Or do what most people do: rent it, use the hell out of it then give it back. Hey, if foreigners do it, so should we! I’m pretty sure that small group of corals they call Scarborough will be back in our hands in no time. Just wait until it has been stripped of marine life. We shouldn’t really bug China about it. Who will supply us with fake Louis Vuittons, fetus-infused erection pills and crappy cars?

I hope our country never changes. It’s just astounding how it can retain the mindset of the Medieval Ages. I can’t wait to raise my kid in this amazing nation of morally upright and well-informed people.

*obviously, anyone with half a brain would note the sarcasm dripping from this post. But you’ll never know how people can interpret what has been written. Just look at the Bible! Oops, sorry this note has taken so much space.